I’ve been sick, friends. A mixture of infectious germs and high levels of stress knocked me for a 6 and off the bike for a 3 (week period, that is). Needless to say, I was fucking gutted. The first two weeks were spent in bed coughing up a lung with no voice and the final week I was admitted two wind trainer sessions at a maximum of 40 minutes per session. Lucky me.
But all is not lost! This past week I finally stopped coughing for 99% of the night and was thus allowed something a bit more than a 40 minute wind trainer session. Yep, trusty river loop come at me.
Well, bend me over and fuck me sideways…because seriously, that’s what it felt like. You wouldn’t think 3 weeks is long enough off the bike to lose that much fitness and yet, here I am, about to tell you the things you’ll discover after being off the bike for just that…3 weeks.
- You’ll be 100% positive your brakes are rubbing.
- Your groin will pretend it’s never encountered a saddle and therefore never before been subjected to such harsh, cruel conditions…and break out in saddle sores.
- Never ever had leg cramps on the bike a day in your life? Well you definitely have now!
- Coordination is suddenly beyond you – wobbling around corners and having to unclip at speeds below 20km/hr are your life now.
- There’s been a recent population spurt of idiots on the road (it’s definitely not you, it’s them).
- The windiest day in history will fall upon the exact day you choose for your majestic resurrection…and it will always be a headwind.
- Any hill – any hill – is actually Alpe d’Huez…how have you never noticed that 0.1% gradient before?!
Stay strong, friends; we will get through this together. Have I missed any particularly heinous lesson? Share the love and drop me a comment below…