How Australian Murderers Are Born
Jan
09
Today has so far been the hottest day of summer here in the land of vegemite. It was a whopping 38 degrees Celcius here which is so far the hottest Queensland day of Summer. We’ve had such a weird bout of weather lately - its been rainy with cold nights and then you wake up and plummet into a sweltering hot day where nothing will stay cold, and parts of your body you never thought possible to sweat from, just proved you wrong. Summer here is beautiful but its on these days when the humidity is so high you can barely breathe, and the temperature sits at around the 40 degrees; you just feel like you’re going to melt. Everything just sticks to you and you get so sweaty that you get itchy and then you get a sweat rash and you get irritable and frustrated and just when you think it can’t get any worse, it goes on into the night and makes it impossible to sleep.
You think to yourself, oh, I’ll put the fan on (because us middle class people don’t always have air conditioning…) but all it manages to do is blow that hot air right into your face and make you wonder just what the hell you did to deserve being put in this hot sticky climate. And thats when you realise, OH, I have a pool (you lucky assholes) so you go outside still fully clothed and dive straight into that pool. You expect to feel the coolness of the water envelope you and bring your core body temperature down but WHOOPS the pool is hot enough to make a tea out of. You clamber out of the pool none the better than when you jumped in and go inside to change your clothes.
You get half way through changing your clothes before you collapse on your bed naked and have a half hearted attempt at a sob. Life just isn’t fair. It’s hot, sticky and there is nothing that can satiate this feeling of hot and stickiness and irritability. Nothing.
This, my friends, is how murderers in Australia are born. They get hot, sticky and go on a bloody rampage.
Filed Under Attempted Funnies, Australia, Boring, with 1 Comments