My Name is April

The Bucket List

2012-02-17T03:58:19Z

This isn’t an entry about the movie, but it is definitely about lists of things that you aspire to do before you kick the bucket, so to speak. I was out for my afternoon run yesterday and I don’t know why I was thinking about death, but I was, and thinking about how pissed off and sad I would be if I got hit by a truck tomorrow and didn’t complete at least a quarter of the things I wanted to do. I have quite a large bucket list but if I wanted to rule out the silly and unimportant ones, I would most likely have about 10 things that I really want to do.

There are things on my list that I want to do at different stages of my life. For example, when I turn 60 I want to go skydiving as my birthday present. I think this age stands out most for me because that is what my great granddad did for his 60th me being 10 at the time thought that was just the coolest thing in the world to do and it just kind of stuck with me, I guess.

I have created a list of my most important wants and desires. They aren’t in any particular order;

Trek the Kokoda Trail.
Travel the world - namely to Africa, Europe and New Zealand.
Travel Australia.
Swim with the sharks at the Cape of Good Hope.
Be in a job I love.
Have a family.
Meet my grandchildren.
Go skydiving when I’m 60.
Die happy.

This is my bucket list as 18 year old April Lea. I can appreciate and understand that these things will most likely grow, change or evolve as I grow, change and evolve and for this reason, in 5 years time, I will write another.

Do you have a bucket list? If so, what is yours?

I know, it’s not much of a list

I Start Univeristy this Month

2012-02-03T04:58:01Z

Talk about this fact hitting me like a big yellow school bus! It felt like just yesterday that I was blowing off looking up my Course Outlines and thinking, “I have months to do this”, when now, all I have are a few weeks. It has kind of freaked me out with how quickly it has come up. My two free days a week are all of a sudden going to become 8 am - 8pm hour days and my weekends are no longer going to be chilled out times and all spare hours of my day are going to be taken up by studying and oh my god I think I’m having a minor panic attack.

I am super happy and relieved that I have managed to find a workplace that is so flexible with my university hours and decisions. This was a major thing for me as there was no way I could not afford to work and even though I could have easily found a job bussing tables down at the local cafe or something of the likes, I’m way too fussy and picky for that. It would have been a nightmare for me, and for everyone around me as I have a tendency to become very moody if I spend more than a few days being miserable. I know, I’m such a selfish person! But in all actuality, I feel super lucky to have been privy to this, when so many others have not had this amazing opportunity when picking their potential employers.

I have gotten so used to having such an easy going lifestyle - 4 day weekend with 3 days a week work with a better-than-your-average-18-year-old-uni-student’s salary and spare time coming out of ass. This is all going to change on the 27th of February, 2012. I really think it is going to be a massive shock to my system, seeing as I have settled into my current lifestyle so well. I can’t imagine someone much older than me that has been working full time since they finished high school and deciding when they were mid-20’s they wanted to go on to tertiary education. That must have been an even bigger shock to the system, and I applaud their courage and bravery for it.

I want to know if there is anybody out there that has done this, and how they have gone at it. I need some pep talk!!

Turf Wars

2012-01-23T09:58:44Z

When you’re living with someone, be it your boyfriend or your parents or a flatmate/s, you obviously have certain areas that are your things, and your things only. I mean, in a shared household, if you don’t mark a bag of cookies as being yours in the “shared pantry” - for sure someone else is going to eat them right?? It’s common sense that you would label things that are yours, as yours, or else put them in that space that has been designated to you so that you don’t need to label every single fucking thing you buy from the supermarket.

It would go for rooms too, obviously. Your bedroom would be like your personal and private space. However, if you were living with your boyfriend, then you share that bedroom. So no longer is anything in that space safe. It is no longer a space for you to go where you are surrounded by things by you, that you like, and that you find pleasure in. It is open slather, my friend.

This is the current situation with me. I live with my boyfriend, Jason (as I’m sure you guys are well aware) and since we obviously share a bedroom, we each have our own spaces that neither of us really try to intrude upon. And then you also have your shared spaces, naturally, like the living room / kitchen etc… Well, back on topic, my space is our study. It has all my belongings, to which I mean, everything that I entered the relationship with, including my computer and personal filing. Obviously Jason is allowed his filing etc… things in here also but overall, this office is my turf. I will often be found in here skulking around watching Gossip Girl, lurking on Snark or fiddling with this blog.

Jason gets the shed. That is almost the size of this house. He will often be found down there, skulking around fiddling with his ute or his bikes or whatever it is boys do that manages them to get so unreasonably dirty to which he will then tramp said dirt through the house. How aggravating!

Anyway, when we aren’t in either of our two spaces, we usually enjoy time together cooking in the kitchen and snuggling on the couch watching movies. The kitchen and the living room belong to nobody - maybe Allie (the cat) but that’s about it. Neither of us control the remote and a little bit of both of us exist in this room - I have pretty flower canvases and he has pig skulls. It’s a win-win. Or so I thought.

On the weekend, I was watching a movie in the living room enjoying having a stretch out on the couch. Jason was downstairs with his brothers, mucking around. Everything was great. Until they came upstairs to cook the barbecue. They came tumbling into the house being loud and rude and completely ignorant to the fact I was watching a movie. Jason came in, took one look at me watching said movie and said these words:

“I think we need to listen to some music.”

I stared at him, in utter disbelief that he had actually dared to dominate the living room. HE HAD DARED TO! I pursed my lips, not wanting to make a scene, and stood up and stalked off into the study, my space, before slamming the door dramatically and flicking Facebook onto the screen. I was absolutely furious that he had done this. It wasn’t a simple, “Hey, do you mind watching the movie elsewhere?” or “Hey, do you mind if we put some music on after the movie is done?” It was a holy and solely dominating line. And it had done it on open turf. Dude, what the fuck!

What I want to know is, after this huge ass rant, is if this has ever happened to any of you before? Has a public space in your household been rudely snatched from you by another one of equal superiority? And what was the outcome???

I am So, So Sorry!

2012-01-20T04:28:27Z

The other day, I went through all the old files on my computer and through all the old messages on various forums that I am apart of (I lie, I only belong to one religiously - Snark). And what can I say? Jesus, I was an annoying, uneducated, IMMATURE little twat! From the way I spoke, to the things I said and spoke about…I am so disgusted in myself and cannot believe I put so many of you through that part of my growing up. I had liked to believe that I was always a proper, intelligent young girl while I was growing up but with the evidence right under my nose, I was just the absolute complete opposite. Reading through 14 year old April’s writings and opinions and general banter just makes me feel like shooting myself in the face. My question to you all is: How the fuck did you put up with me? Seriously!.

I am so ashamed and embarrassed at who I used to be that I almost want to just disappear under my bed and never emerge. I now understand the true meaning of the word “teenybopper”. That is exactly what I was. I thought I was some hotted up young piece of ass that could go around talking like she knew everything and that everyone loved her. Oh god, this was not the case. Don’t get me wrong - I never lied with anything about myself, but my opinions and the way I spoke was just down right disgusting.

Part of me fears that maybe I still am as annoying, uneducated and immature as I was back then but I do like to think that I have definitely evolved into a somewhat-intelligent, well-rounded young female that doesn’t sound like a twat when she attempts to voice her opinion or just join in on a conversation.

This is, an official apology to all those who have known me from that ripe old foul age of 14: I am so, so sorry. Feel free to bash me around the head with a brick, or squirt mandarin juice in my eye because that really stings.

I’m at a Crossroad

2012-01-17T00:31:42Z

...and I need help. I’m having one of these moments in life where I am finding it absolutely imperative that somebody else make this decision for me. In front of me are two paths - one leads towards actually going to university and proceeding to have a healthy 10 year career following that and then having a family once I’m happy with where I am in my chosen field; and the other leads to me not going to university, accepting that I am happy where I am in the world right now and instead make myself a young family (not kids just yet!!) in the years to come that I normally would have spent at university.

I’m really really stuck. I suppose I better give you a bit of background information. Jason, my partner, is 26. We have an 8 year age gap. We are fine with that - there is no problem there and he completely understands that I would want to go to university and actually have my own career, and fully supports me in this endeavour. He’s not the problem. I am. As I’m getting older, I’m finding myself far more family oriented than career driven. Back when I was in high school, I always wanted to have a big career, go places and be rich. But now, I’m not so sure. I don’t know whether it’s because everyone around me is getting married and popping kids out or whether it is just me emotionally growing into myself and my true values as an adult.

I understand that it is possible to have both, to a certain extent but I do definitely want to be a young mum - and I don’t want to have my child, take the 9 months paid maternity leave and then stick her/him in a childcare centre for 12 hours a day while I go and be selfish and focus on my career and getting to the place I want to be instead of watching him/her grow up, say their first words or start walking. I understand, or I believe, that when you have a child, pretty much 60% of your life (maybe more!) is taken up by this beautiful little creation that was hopefully born into a loving family.

This is where the problems start. If I wait until after I have reached my career peak, I will most likely be around my 30’s or maybe even mid-30’s. With this 8 year age gap with Jason, that means he will be in his early 40’s. And he doesn’t want that. And I don’t want that. We both want a young family. But, what I want to know is, is this possible??? Is it possible for me to go to university for 4 years, have a nice career after that but still have a young family?? Is this possible???

I’m just so maddeningly confused and unsure of myself and I just don’t know what to do. So many people in my life are so proud of me for deciding on tertiary education because I’m the first child, grandchild and niece/nephew to go on to further education but at the end of the day - they aren’t going to be the ones with a $0,000.00 (since edited) HECS debt if I finish uni and decide I don’t want the career I just spent 4 years of my life studying for.

I’m just so lost. So I’m reaching out to the void of the WWW, to seek answers, advice, ANYTHING!

How Australian Murderers Are Born

2012-01-09T09:04:47Z

Today has so far been the hottest day of summer here in the land of vegemite. It was a whopping 38 degrees Celcius here which is so far the hottest Queensland day of Summer. We’ve had such a weird bout of weather lately - its been rainy with cold nights and then you wake up and plummet into a sweltering hot day where nothing will stay cold, and parts of your body you never thought possible to sweat from, just proved you wrong. Summer here is beautiful but its on these days when the humidity is so high you can barely breathe, and the temperature sits at around the 40 degrees; you just feel like you’re going to melt. Everything just sticks to you and you get so sweaty that you get itchy and then you get a sweat rash and you get irritable and frustrated and just when you think it can’t get any worse, it goes on into the night and makes it impossible to sleep.

You think to yourself, oh, I’ll put the fan on (because us middle class people don’t always have air conditioning…) but all it manages to do is blow that hot air right into your face and make you wonder just what the hell you did to deserve being put in this hot sticky climate. And thats when you realise, OH, I have a pool (you lucky assholes) so you go outside still fully clothed and dive straight into that pool. You expect to feel the coolness of the water envelope you and bring your core body temperature down but WHOOPS the pool is hot enough to make a tea out of. You clamber out of the pool none the better than when you jumped in and go inside to change your clothes.

You get half way through changing your clothes before you collapse on your bed naked and have a half hearted attempt at a sob. Life just isn’t fair. It’s hot, sticky and there is nothing that can satiate this feeling of hot and stickiness and irritability. Nothing.

This, my friends, is how murderers in Australia are born. They get hot, sticky and go on a bloody rampage.

A New Year, A New List that Won’t Ever be Done

2012-01-04T09:25:43Z

I know I’m 4 days late with writing this but I’ve been busy with other stuff..like making this shiny new layout!

Anyway, this new year means a lot of new things for me - some exciting and others a bit daunting. Like, I will be starting uni full time officially and while this is exciting I’m secretly a bit nervous and freaked out by it all! I don’t know how well I’m going to do seeing as I didn’t like school very much but that wasn’t really due to the work; moreso to do with the fact that we were so restricted back then… But anywho, wish me luck and if you are at uni give me pointers etc… etc… because seeing as I enrolled for waaay too many classes I definitely think I need the help!

This year also officially marks that I have not lived with my parents for over a year now WOOHOO! At least that New Years Resolution was successfully completed…I love being independent! I never was one to be completely reliant on somebody. I just don’t think its my thing. And even though Jas and I went through some pretty rocky patches during last year, I do believe that we are going to work out for the long run. I know, I’m a bit soppy and all that but I think I am allowed to be after the tricky times that have since been over.

The new year resolutions for this year, however, will still be made but I’m not too sure if they are going to be achievable:

Run the Bridge to Brisbane in it’s entirety of 10 kilometres.
Save at least $10,000.00AUD in our General Savings

AUD

Get at least a Distinction in all my courses at uni

So, there’s my resolutions. I don’t have many but I do definitely want to complete them all, regardless of what the title of this entry implies! Do tell me your resolutions or your hopes/dreams for 2012! We all have them!

A Very Merry Christmas!

2011-12-22T22:06:21Z

Just wanted to take the time to wish everyone a very merry Christmas and a good time into the New Year!

That Time of the Year

2011-12-01T20:57:40Z

Of course I’m going to post about the current time of the year! Unlike last year, when I positively hated this time of the year (the floods etc… were happening), this year I am just so jolly and full of happiness and excitement! The weather has been ridiculously hot, which is traditional for a good ol’ Aussie Christmas but it also feels like Christmas this year. Last year, it was wet, flooding and literally nobody was in the mood for it. This year is so much better!

One of my most favourite things about Christmas, however, is that I get to buy things. I get to think, uhm and ahh, purchase, wrap and give someone a gift. IT’S JUST SO MUCH FUN! Yes, it is definitely expensive - Jason and I’s Christmas Gift List Budget is well over $1,500.00AUD and that is just for immediate family (and Snark Secret Santa of course!). But I just love the fact that everyone gets up off their asses on Christmas and gives - to their friends, family and even to charities. The amount of Christmas Hampers I have seen out the front of stores that are full just makes me really proud to be Australian - we might be shitheads sometimes but there are still a few of us that aren’t rotten out there!

The only thing that does make me sad at Christmas, is when I’m not spending it with my family. I don’t mean to be selfish but the thought of spending a Christmas with Jason’s parents out at Stanthorpe (buttfuck nowhere) instead of with my own just makes me sad. I will do it for him, obviously, but I just love Christmas with my family. This year I won because my Aunt has just come back from a 2 year trip around Australia so it would be nice to spend Christmas with her and Jason understood this. But next year, it’s his turn. I bet so many families/couples out there have this same dilemma every year - which family to do Christmas with?

Do you have a preference or do you just swap between the different families?

Facebook - The Bitch and Asshole Network

2011-11-14T05:17:17Z

I was looking through my facebook friends today, trying to figure out where I knew everyone from. Some where from primary school, others high school and then there were my online friends not to mention friends of friends who found it prudent to add me, and I found it prudent to accept. About a quarter of the people my face screwed up at and I couldn’t help but ask myself why the fuck I had even accepted these people - many of them were the bullies that had kept me from school at least twice a week.

It got me to thinking why I didn’t just delete them right then and there - why did I keep them on my facebook when I despised them so much? And then I realised; it wasn’t because I was scared they were gonna hunt me down and kill me, it was because I liked them to see my status updates, see my page and realise how damn well off I was in comparison to them. It was like my own personal revenge for all the years that they had spent torturing me and making me feel like shit. And, in true tradition, many of the bitches and assholes were doing no better than working in a McDonalds or Red Rooster, with a big pregnant belly or on the doll. It was like my own personal ego booster for me to go and see their page and see how shit their lives were, and also gave me faith in Karma.

I know it might sound really mean to laugh at the misfortune of others, but when those others were the reason for your social problems and for your low self esteem; it only seems right that you build yourself back up by using their shitty lives as your ego fuel. Right?? Right???

And then I started wondering - who do others keep as their Facebook friends for such occasions like these? I know I can’t be the only one that has certain people on their facebook, or even simply facebook stalks people that were assholes and bitches to see how they are going and then feel smug inside to see they aren’t doing quite as well.

Who do you keep as your Facebook friends even though you aren’t technically friends with them? And why?

OMG MY CAR MY CAR!

2011-11-10T21:08:38Z

WARNING: This post is likely to contain explicit content such as caps and lots of exclamation points. Persons under the age of 15 are recommended to be accompanied by a parent or adult.

I GOT MY CAR!!!! WHOOOO!

It is a 2006 Suzuki Swift RS415! 5 Speed manual with 5 doors ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG! It is the cutest car in the whole wide world AND IT’S MINE!!!.

I got it for a very nice price, and saved $700AUD, ($12,250.00AUD) and even though it is already 5 years old, there is not much difference between this one and the one that came out this year except for the price! The kilometers on it were really low, especially for a 5 year old car and it was just love at first sight.

I JUST WANNA SLEEP IN IT! It’s like getting my license all over again lol.

I have been thinking so hard for a name for her but I just can’t think of anything :( It has to be a “her” because she’s just so pretty! Can you guys help?? HELP ME THINK OF A NAME FOR MY NEW CAR! I tried Suzie Swift (not very original), Sadie Swift, Sunny Swift…help meee!

The Prices of Fuel, and My Sad Story

2011-11-07T07:43:38Z

I’ve had my Ps for about a year, and during this time I have managed to run out of fuel approximately 4 times. I am ridiculously bad when it comes to letting my fuel tank run empty. I could ramble on and on with excuses as to why this happens but I really do blame this mainly on the price of fuel and the quality you get with that price. For Regular Unleaded here in Queensland at the moment, you are being charged $1.52AUD per litre. About 10 years ago it used to be .60c. This is a LOT of money and it comes to even more when fuel is not as good quality as it should be.

I have this favourite place that I use to fill up my car all the time. Why? They are cheaper, and the fuel lasts longer. Don’t ask me how or what the fuck I mean, all I know is that when I fill up at this servo, I get more for the price I’m paying. This favourite place of mine is ages away from where I live and usually in the complete opposite direction of the way I’m usually going so I rarely ever feel bothered to go there to fill up when I don’t need to, so I hold off all week long hoping that something will come up and I will go past this petrol station that is my favourite. When I don’t get this opportunity, this is usually when my fuel runs out. Damnit.

I know I sound like a complete cheap ass right now but when you’re paying $60 to fill a 40 litre tank, your wallet starts to feel a bit empty. So this is why I always run out of fuel. Because the prices are so goddamn high and I am a huge cheap ass!

Leading me on to my next point - today was the stupidest day of my whole entire life. Today, not only did I run out of fuel but I had also forgotten my wallet WHICH IS ILLEGAL AND IF I HAD BEEN PULLED UP WITHOUT MY LICENSE I WOULD HAVE RECEIVED BIG BIG BIIIIIIG FINES THAT ARE WORTH EVEN MORE THAN THE PRICE OF FUEL AT THE MOMENT! I felt like such a dick when I had to call Jason up and ask him to please come and put fuel in my car because a) I had forgot my wallet and b) I was on empty. I felt even worse when he arrived 2 hours later in a really sour mood because he had had a really bad day at work and my call had topped the cake.

I think from now on, I’m just going to start paying the ridiculous amount for fuel because it saves the hassle of running out of fuel and even though there is a massive difference between my favourite service station and all the others, I’m going to have to do it.

Oh, and P.S, I need a new car because my accelerator stopped working today. On the highway. In the fast lane. Going 100km/hr. I almost did not survive to post this.

Am I a Dog or a Cat Person?

2011-10-13T07:14:54Z

We have, a new addition to the family. He is a 12 week old bull arab x bull mastiff puppy by the name of Mack. He is so cute and already 17kg! I’ve been puppy training him like crazy since I have taken unofficial ownership of him, and he can so far sit, wait, come, be patient while I’m serving dinner and is currently learning not to jump when he wants a pat.

Up until this point, I had always been a cat person. My beautiful domestic short hair, Allie, is proof of that. I fought tooth and nail with Jason for the right to own a cat since he apparently hates them. It was either my way, or the highway. Some people think this is nuts but for me, for a cat not to be apart of my life, it’s too high a price to pay. He gave in, and thats how I know he is the one.

But anyway, away from the mush, ever since we got Mack, and I have been able to use my own techniques of training, I have found myself falling in love with dogs. Its not just him - it’s any dog! I no longer shy away from slobber or dirty ears, I instead embrace and cuddle and tussle to my heart’s - and the dog’s heart - content.

I decided to put up photos of them both to show you all my beautiful babies. I’m not ready to be an “evil baby” mum just yet but being Allie and Mack’s mum suits me just fine!

What about you? Are you a cat or a dog person?

To Work, Or Not to Work?

2011-08-05T02:24:28Z

I have found myself in the past two weeks or so in a predicament that seems to be that of which nobody has a straight answer and there is a different opinion around every corner: I am sick. Now normally this doesn’t cause much of controversy however when it comes to whether or not work is more important than getting better, that’s where it gets sticky.

A few weeks previously to this sickness, I had lost my voice and gained a chest infection that lasted a week. I had the entire week off, two of which days I had attempted to attend work only to be turned away and sent home. Here in Australia we only get approximately 10 or so sick days, after that it’s either annual leave or you don’t get paid. Which I believe is fair - it gives people little room to fake sick. But this is where my predicament gets a little sad and twisted. Ordinarily, I am a very dedicated worker and I hate to take sick days (as you may have figured from my attempted working without a voice) but when I have to, I have to.

The first week of my sickness, I went to work every single day. It was hard and I was not as productive as I could have been, but I was there. And I was helping even if it was just a little. However, this second week, I went to the doctors on the Monday instead of work and had a blood test and two throat swabs. He thought I had glandular fever and gave me the whole week off. He wasn’t wrong to do this - even as I write this I have tissues shoved up my nose, Benadryl is my new best friend and I have been off for a whole week now! I have had yet another blood test since the Monday appointment not to mention a couple of nose swabs to top it off but that is not what is irking me. What is irking me is that I have not been at work for a whole week. And I had only been paid for my final sick day I had left. I feel terrible. I am sick, oh so sick, but my conscience is giving me a mental reaming for not going to work.

When it comes to being sick, do you push through it and continue to work or do you take the time off work you need to get better? And if you do push through, why? Or if you don’t, why?

The Life Before “Us”

2011-07-14T09:13:57Z

When it becomes apparent that you are in a very stable, happy, long term relationship, when is appropriate to bring up the past relationships? Do we just automatically think life begins again when we enter a new relationship and whatever happened before then, no longer exists. Do we sub consciously start our lives again in a new hope that our life will end with this relationship rather than look back on all the ones that crashed and burned?

When Jason and I first started dating, I did what any insecure, curious and shallow bitch would do - I hacked his facebook. Yes, call it what you will but whether you want it admit it or deny it, I know that you have at some stage of your relationship had a sneak peak through your partner’s personal accounts/mobiles/computers etc…

It’s always interesting what you find, and more often than not, most women will finish their snooping with a pea of doubt in their minds. I wasn’t any different. Upon hacking his facebook, I instantly went to his messages - the exclusive part of the world where all the sneaky happenings go on. What I found was an endless array of private messages with girls. Some were him asking them out, others were him talking with girls about a “no-strings-attached” relationship, but more often than not it was them gently rejecting him, letting him down, and pretending they didn’t want to ruin the almost non-existent friendship they supposedly had.

All this evidence summed up to one inevitable conclusion: he was desperate. The evidence was right there in front of me. Him being interested in a girl - me - 8 years younger than him, the endless messages from him to girls scrabbling at anything just to even get a date…and I had fallen for him. My motto and philosophy since I was old enough to masturbate was to never date a desperate guy - you could never be sure they were with you because they liked you or whether they just wanted anyone, anything they could get.

At first, for the next few days all I could think was “Is he with me just because I said I liked him too?” but then I thought…if he had been so desperate that he wanted to date me, he wouldn’t have asked my dad permission…or accepted that we weren’t having sex for a long time. And so, I told him I loved him.

Have you ever had those feelings of doubt about your partner? About their motives of being with you?