I’m at a Crossroad
...and I need help. I’m having one of these moments in life where I am finding it absolutely imperative that somebody else make this decision for me. In front of me are two paths - one leads towards actually going to university and proceeding to have a healthy 10 year career following that and then having a family once I’m happy with where I am in my chosen field; and the other leads to me not going to university, accepting that I am happy where I am in the world right now and instead make myself a young family (not kids just yet!!) in the years to come that I normally would have spent at university.
I’m really really stuck. I suppose I better give you a bit of background information. Jason, my partner, is 26. We have an 8 year age gap. We are fine with that - there is no problem there and he completely understands that I would want to go to university and actually have my own career, and fully supports me in this endeavour. He’s not the problem. I am. As I’m getting older, I’m finding myself far more family oriented than career driven. Back when I was in high school, I always wanted to have a big career, go places and be rich. But now, I’m not so sure. I don’t know whether it’s because everyone around me is getting married and popping kids out or whether it is just me emotionally growing into myself and my true values as an adult.
I understand that it is possible to have both, to a certain extent but I do definitely want to be a young mum - and I don’t want to have my child, take the 9 months paid maternity leave and then stick her/him in a childcare centre for 12 hours a day while I go and be selfish and focus on my career and getting to the place I want to be instead of watching him/her grow up, say their first words or start walking. I understand, or I believe, that when you have a child, pretty much 60% of your life (maybe more!) is taken up by this beautiful little creation that was hopefully born into a loving family.
This is where the problems start. If I wait until after I have reached my career peak, I will most likely be around my 30’s or maybe even mid-30’s. With this 8 year age gap with Jason, that means he will be in his early 40’s. And he doesn’t want that. And I don’t want that. We both want a young family. But, what I want to know is, is this possible??? Is it possible for me to go to university for 4 years, have a nice career after that but still have a young family?? Is this possible???
I’m just so maddeningly confused and unsure of myself and I just don’t know what to do. So many people in my life are so proud of me for deciding on tertiary education because I’m the first child, grandchild and niece/nephew to go on to further education but at the end of the day - they aren’t going to be the ones with a $0,000.00 (since edited) HECS debt if I finish uni and decide I don’t want the career I just spent 4 years of my life studying for.
I’m just so lost. So I’m reaching out to the void of the WWW, to seek answers, advice, ANYTHING!
I kind of had the same issue, which is why I never finished high school. My partner however, doesn’t want a young family, and has made me realize that I do need an education, and I don’t need children early.
I’ve decided to head to Uni, after 3 years working in my dream career, I’ve decided I love it so much, I’m going to study and go further into the career, (dairy) which will allow me to get a 9-5, 7 days a week job, with time to have a family etc, instead of always being a farm asst, or working on the farm, having no time to have children or spend time with them if i did (Don’t think you can take maternity leave on a dairy farm!!)
Anyhow, What I’m trying to say is that I’ve been stuck in your place before, in fact I am even more so thinking I should still be starting a family, after I was told I have PCOS and my doctor actually said “So if you want children, you should start thinking about it now”.
I suppose I’m going to uni for the sake of my future family, so I can own a home, have a career to fall back on, be in a relationship I know is stable, be able to give my children things that I missed out on when I was younger. Where as if I had kids now, or in the near future, I have nothing.
SO. What do you have that you can support a family in the near future? Is it possible to get a job in your chosen career as an intern or something, before committing to a degree? That way, you can try it out, without getting into debt over a degree and not waste 4 years doing the degree instead of starting a family.
Does your partner have a stable job, or a degree / skill set that he can get a new job easily if anything were to happen to his job? Do you have anything that may hold you back if you decide to have children at an older age? (Overian failure, PCOS, etc etc), do you have savings, can you afford to buy a house? (Although you get a kick $1000 or something if you have a child in Aussie, no? But that’s not much.. I think these factors, for the sake of your soon to be children, need to be considered. You don’t want to raise a baby on Government assistance, do you?
Going onto tertiary education will be worth a lot more in the long run than not going onto tertiary education. As I see it, there’s three scenarios:
A: you go to university and wait a handful of years to have children. You won’t necessarily have to wait till your thirties to establish yourself and have children.
B: You go to university and have children when you finish. You’re still having kids in your twenties, but you have the benefit then of at least having an education to fall back on when kids are grown up and you’re back at work. A university degree could be the difference between $20 an hour casual retail and $30 an hour permanent job with benefits like paid leave.
C: You don’t go to university, and continue to work retail/admin for the rest of your life, always staying around the $20 an hour range. You have kids in the next four years and…that’s it.
In addition to all the above, I think you need to recognise that:
1) it’s very misleading to say that simply by putting your children into childcare, that it’s doing them harm. Childcare and socialisation can be very good for children.
2) That childcare doesn’t mean 12 hours a day away from your child, five days a week. We’re living in the modern era - there are flexible working arrangements at particular organisations (particular NFP). Quarter of the people in my office are mums of young children who have negotiated part-time roles at two or three days a week - they still get plenty of time with their children, but also get the benefit of regular adult interaction as well. There are other mums who only work school hours. Work is not as black and white as 9-5 M-F.
3) Your HECS debt will not be $50K. If I remember correctly, you’re enrolled in a Journalism degree? Each semester will cost you approximately $2-2.5K - around $5K a year. A four year course will only cost you $20K. Education is priceless.
Overall I think going to university is a better choice than not going at all. It doesn’t matter if you decide to work, or to have kids straight after you graduate rather than going on to a job - at least you have that qualification which will give you more choices further down the track when the kids are grown up.
(NB: This is the perspective of someone who’s 25 and will probably have kids in the next three years. I have my tertiary (and postgraduate) education and at that point, will have nearly seven years of work experience and a secure career under my belt, and can bounce back to earning above-average salary very easily.)
Amanda, thank you so much for laying it out like that for me. (I actually wasn’t aware that that is how much my course would cost me, I had been told by my university - Griffith - that it was $24,000.00 a year?? Maybe I heard wrong and they meant that for the whole course
) I just wanted to clear up - I don’t think childcare is bad, not at all, I mean I was in childcare a lot, but I just don’t personally want my child in there 5 days a week. I definitely think it is a great social environment for them, I just want to spend some time with my children as well haha.
You really have shown me that there are other options than just black and white as I was seeing it. I had gotten myself so worked up into this panic that I didn’t step back and assess the situation being as it is - I mean, you’re totally right. I could definitely go to uni, have kids / get married straight after and then when they start prep I can definitely start my career then. I have never considered the idea of starting my career a bit later in life.
I wish I had your skills to analyse and eliminate lol.
Go to university.
