No cycling community is complete without a medley of coffee rolls, made to service the weary cyclist after a long, hard week of riding. For a ride to make the coffee roll cut, a route must be approximately an hour and a little bit (just enough to justify the proceeding coffee and cake), and ultimately end with a piccolo and slice of buttered banana bread – preferably toasted.

Brisbane has not one, but two, such rides that fit the bill. The fabled River Loop – a steadfast favourite far and wide, and second being the scenic, car-free Nudgee. Yes, it can be easy to see why some may believe Nudgee to be a coffee roll – utilising the family-fun Kedron Brook Bikeway, plenty of long stretches for the perfect photo op and the finish leading you straight back to an assortment of cyclist-friendly coffee shops at your disposal.

Brisbane Nudgee Ride - My Name is April

But this isn’t a blog entry about the cheerful coffee rolls of Brisbane. This is a story of deceit, betrayal and unexpectedly cooked legs.

Because here’s the deal. Nudgee is life’s sneaky little answer to every cyclist’s complaints of the trusty, but boring as f*ck, indoor wind trainer. A virtually flat out-and-back route, this ride guarantees that you need to keep those legs spinning. The only chance you get for the possibility of a coast is when you’re trying to angle the camera for that perfect ‘gram shot. And even then, that split second pause in pedalling will derail your speed and cadence averages faster than a Rapha sale obliterates your life savings.

The indoor wind trainer is, for some, a worst nightmare. Sitting for ~60minutes on a stationary bicycle sweating it out with no hills to coast down or pretty scenery to look at, there is no escaping the effort you need to put in to get to the finish of your workout. It’s also an incredibly effective way of getting fit (or so I’m told, I’m no expert so don’t hold me to it).

I’ve gotta admit…sweating it out on a bicycle growing excessive amounts of candida is not my idea of a good time.

Cue Nudgee. I can hear you scoff from here, but let me tell you – actually do this ride properly and you’ll be surprised at just how cooked your legs will be. I’m not even joking you – I dare you to challenge me on this. Nudgee has all the tricks in the book, even complete with an ever-enduring headwind on your way back to coffee, courtesy of the open plains by the Brisbane Airport.

You head out thinking it’s going to be a lovely, scenic jaunt along the Kedron Brook Bikeway, maybe sprint the final distance along that glorious, flat stretch of Nudgee Road, only to awake the next morning with leg DOMS painful enough to warrant the double wall hold as you gingerly lower yourself down for your morning dump.

Brisbane Nudgee Ride - My Name is April

I’m probably going to be assassinated now for blowing Nudgee’s secret but, after suffering above aforementioned DOMs one too many a time, I felt it my duty to warn others of Nudgee and it’s inflictions upon unsuspecting prey.

Am I wrong?

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