Truths About Your First Ride Back

The 7 ugly truths to getting back in the saddle...

Time Off the Bike: What I've Learned Getting Back On - My Name is April

I’ve been sick, friends. A mixture of infectious germs and high levels of stress knocked me for a 6 and off the bike for a 3 (week period, that is). Needless to say, I was fucking gutted. The first two weeks were spent in bed coughing up a lung with no voice and the final week I was admitted two wind trainer sessions at a maximum of 40 minutes per session. Lucky me.

But all is not lost! This past week I finally stopped coughing for 99% of the night and was thus allowed something a bit more than a 40 minute wind trainer session. Yep, trusty river loop come at me.

Well, bend me over and fuck me sideways…because seriously, that’s what it felt like. You wouldn’t think 3 weeks is long enough off the bike to lose that much fitness and yet, here I am, about to tell you the things you’ll discover after being off the bike for just that…3 weeks.

Cycling Puberty - My Name is April

  1. You’ll be 100% positive your brakes are rubbing.
  2. Your groin will pretend it’s never encountered a saddle and therefore never before been subjected to such harsh, cruel conditions…and break out in saddle sores.
  3. Never ever had leg cramps on the bike a day in your life? Well you definitely have now!
  4. Coordination is suddenly beyond you – wobbling around corners and having to unclip at speeds below 20km/hr are your life now.
  5. There’s been a recent population spurt of idiots on the road (it’s definitely not you, it’s them).
  6. The windiest day in history will fall upon the exact day you choose for your majestic resurrection…and it will always be a headwind.
  7. Any hill – any hill – is actually Alpe d’Huez…how have you never noticed that 0.1% gradient before?!

Stay strong, friends; we will get through this together. Have I missed any particularly heinous lesson? Share the love and drop me a comment below…

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